No one knows
by luvindrewfuller
Summary: song fic - chris centric again my song so... R&R please!


_Right oneshot... I was bored is the explanation for this..._

**Bold = Chris' thoughts**

_Italic = lyrics_

Normal = story

_K so I wrote the song in this so no copyright etc issues there...apologies if you feel that it's crappy I wrote it while I was depressed...anyways so yeah my song no stealing!_

............................................................................

Christopher Halliwell peered through the curtains as he and his class prepared for their performance. Surprise surprise his mother wasn't there; she'd been a Wyatt's though. But then he was her do no wrong golden child; Chris was just the result of a lot of crying and dying after his dad had been shot by a darklighter. His teacher was watching him with a strange expression on her face, all of the other children looked either excited or nervous, Chris just looked, defeated. The brunette 11 year old clutched his guitar tighter as the reality that his mother had once again passed him over sunk him and forced the young boy to bite back a sob. What was so wrong with him that meant his mother didn't want him? A nod from his teacher and he moved towards the centre of the stage waiting for the curtains to open.

In the audience Leo waited anxiously for the curtains to open, this was the first time he was going to hear Chris play, the boy was extremely secretive about what he did up in his room and Leo was desperate to hear his youngest. As the curtains slid open hush fell over the entire audience, Chris had played at the last performance too and had received a lot of praise for it, Leo though had been kept back at the Manor. The brunette slid onto the stool at the front of the stage and started playing. A few bars in the eleven year old began to sing:

_It's so easy to fool you all_

_No one cares to look_

_Beyond the mask that's up_

_Everything is hidden away_

_Cos no one cares to look_

_Beyond the mask I put up_

_No one knows the real me_

_Cos no one is allowed_

_To get close enough_

_Secrets are there that can't be revealed_

_But still no one cares_

_Even enough to try_

Chris looked up from his guitar and his eyes were drawn to the seat reserved for his Mom, the seat she wasn't in. He held back tears as he played eyes still boring into the empty seat next to his father, Leo shifted uncomfortably once he realised where his son's eyes were resting.

**I had to learn that didn't I? It wasn't right for me to be known as that, I had to learn how to hide everything I knew, everything I was feeling to protect you. I had to push people away, make them not want to know what they weren't allowed to, keep your precious secret. I had to lie a lot as well didn't I? None of this was anything that could ever be found out.**

With a sudden ferocity Chris snapped his gaze from the empty seat and sped up the tune the notes becoming angrier as he reflected.

_My life has been shattered by a broken trust_

_Lies, goodbyes it's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive is something strange_

_Everything I know has gone away_

_Nothing's ever gonna be the same again_

_Everything hurts so much right now_

_I can't deal with what's been thrown upon me_

_And I ask once again_

_Why does no one know who I really am?_

The music started calming down and Chris' eyes dropped back to the guitar hiding himself away from the looks he was getting in the audience.

**Broken trust, broken love, broken heart, broken child. The list goes on Mom, but you just don't care.**

Leo was staring at his son, both in shock at how well he sang and the lyrics, it was obviously something Chris had written – everything was original.

_Slashes appear and they fade_

_Things are different_

_From what the people think_

_Away from all the stereotypes_

_I'm just a broken doll_

_No one wants to fix_

_What is so wrong with me?_

_That makes no one_

_Want to know who is hiding_

_They are all just content_

_With the image_

_I've put in front of me_

Chris' eyes never left his guitar for the entire verse; a few members of the audience had tears in their eyes as the young boy's song captured their hearts.

**But I have my own secrets now. I have a lot of things of my own; after all you never cared enough to help me heal when Mel died, no one did. I just lay there day after day broken.**

Once more the music sped up as Chris launched himself into the noticeably more angry chorus.

_My life has been shattered by a broken trust_

_Lies, goodbyes it's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive is something strange_

_Everything I know has gone away_

_Nothing's ever gonna be the same again_

_Everything hurts so much right now_

_I can't deal with what's thrown upon me_

_And I ask once again_

_Why does no one know who I really am?_

**I'm struggling and you don't care, this world is too much without a mother's love. I barely feel at all, people say they feel alive but I don't know what it means. I have nothing I know in this world anymore. We lost Mel and it all changed. You changed.**

Chris slowly wound down from the chorus headed for the next verse still managing to avoid all the looks from people watching. This was the first time anyone had been allowed to hear this song. The first time Chris dared to pour his entire soul onto paper _and _let someone hear it.

_Things are way too different now_

_For me to fit in_

_With all the rest of you_

_I'm trying hard to keep a face_

_On the front of it all_

_As if I'm keeping up_

_It's slowly breaking me down_

_Tearing me apart_

_Before all your eyes_

_But it's another thing I hide_

_Cos it's so wrong for me_

_To not be perfect_

_No one really dares to think_

_What might happen_

_Beyond the mask of joy_

By now there was hardly a dry eye in the house as the entire room was silent bar the young boy's voice and his guitar. The room was in a trance as the brunette played, no one daring to interrupt his melody, no one wanting to interrupt.

**You changed me too much, I'm working too hard to keep it going but still no one notices. I can't fit in anymore, I don't belong anymore. I can pretend yeah but it's not the same as actually belonging. It's tearing me apart and I won't be able to keep this mask up much longer; I'm cracking under the pressure of hiding, of fitting in, of keeping up appearances, because that's what this is all about really, my ability to keep up appearances – it's a good job I learn quick isn't it?**

_My life has been shattered by a broken trust_

_Lies, goodbyes it's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive is something strange_

_Everything I know has gone away_

_Nothing's ever gonna be the same again_

_Everything hurts so much right now_

_I can't deal with what's thrown upon me_

_And I ask once again_

_Why does no one know who I really am?_

**But they don't do they? And no one ever will because I am never going to be able to tell them. Never be able to reveal the pain and darkness.**

_Fragile walls are shattering_

_Revealing feelings there_

_I don't want coming_

_Shards of glass are cutting me_

_But I don't want to stop_

_It's what I want to feel_

_Everything surrounding me_

_Is breaking down_

_And I just can't deal_

_Way too much strain_

_I'm pushing my limits_

_To keep myself going_

_While I walk away_

_I'm nothing like your average kid_

_I'm in constant pain_

_I'm hiding from the world_

**I can't do this forever Mom, it's hurting me. I can't hide forever. I can't deal forever. I'm going to crack. I can't deal with this much pressure. I can't. My life is collapsing around me and all I can do is watch, I have no power to do anything – I'm hurting too much from your rejection.**

_My life has been shattered by a broken trust_

_Lies, goodbyes it's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive is something strange_

_Everything I know has gone away_

_Nothing's ever gonna be the same again_

_Everything hurts so much right now_

_I can't deal with what's thrown upon me_

_And I ask once again_

_Why does no one know who I really am?_

Tears were streaming down Leo's face as he watched his son on stage. This one song revealed more about Chris than 11 years of knowing him had. Why had he been so stupid, so blind? He sent his attention back to the stage as Chris' voice once more cut through the silence.

_Someone please hide me away_

_I'm not ready_

_To face them all again_

_I hid so much from them before_

_And now it's out_

_What if they don't want me?_

_Scars are littering my arm_

_None of them understand_

_Why I needed it_

_I'm screaming inside_

_Mental walls are breaking_

_I can't cope with it_

**I can scream inside but you just don't care, I live in fear. I live with addiction; I need the control, I'm addicted to the control, to the release, to everything the blade can offer. It's barely a replacement for you, Mom, but it's good enough to stop me falling into the abyss.**

_My life has been shattered by a broken trust_

_Lies, goodbyes it's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive is something strange_

_Everything I know has gone away_

_Nothing's ever gonna be the same again_

_Everything hurts so much right now_

_I can't deal with what's thrown upon me_

_And I ask once again_

_Why does no one know who I really am?_

**The pain's never gonna stop, but nothing else is the same anymore is it? Mel died and everything went wrong, I wasn't good enough anymore. Yet I find this out and I just have to deal and move on? I'm not like that Mom, but I'm sorry if that's a disappointment.**

_There are problems in my life_

_That no one wants to know_

_That no one needs to_

_I look inside myself_

_And I'm dying_

_Filled with blackness_

_It's nothing something I ever thought_

_I'd have to see_

_Myself going through_

_My life is full of secrets_

_But they're not the ones_

_That can be told_

_Drowning in my own despair_

_Won't someone come along_

_And pull me out of it_

_The surface is so far away_

_And I am sinking_

_It's getting further_

**Did you hear that one Mom? You're killing me. You're filling me up with blackness, I'm becoming a void. You've done a good job of making sure no one cares though. No one has once tried to help...no one has once tried to save me from drowning.**

_My life has been shattered by a broken trust_

_Lies, goodbyes it's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive is something strange_

_Everything I know has gone away_

_Nothing's ever gonna be the same again_

_Everything hurts so much right now_

_I can't deal with what's thrown upon me_

_And I ask once again_

_Why does no one know who I really am?_

**It's gone Mom. My life. It's gone.**

Leo sobbed unable to keep his eyes on his youngest son, the emotion had been ringing through Chris' voice the entire song and it was overwhelming the man who thought he knew his son.

_My life has been shattered by a broken trust_

_Lies, goodbyes it's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive is something strange_

_Everything I know has gone away_

_Nothing's ever gonna be the same again_

_Everything hurts so much right now_

_I can't deal with what's thrown upon me_

_And I ask once again_

_Why does no one know who I really am?_

_My life has been shattered_

_Lies, goodbyes _

_It's all just too much now_

_Feeling alive, it's strange_

_It's all just gone away_

_Hurts so much right now_

_Once again I ask_

_Why can no one tell_

_Who I really am!_

_I really am_

_Really am_

_Really am_

_Who I really am..._

Chris stood up and silently walked off stage, ignoring the applause behind him. He hadn't done it for that, he'd done it for his sister.

**I love you Mel, never forget it. I'm sorry that I can't be stronger but I'm freefalling into blackness and there's no way out. Goodbye Mel, I'll be with you soon.**

A half smile flitted across Chris' features as he made his way backstage.

**Real soon Mel.**

Annabel – 4th March 2009


End file.
